Such is life

Hey y'all. I've been thinking a lot lately about where I am in life, what I want out of life, and how, thus far, I have accomplished what I always envisioned that I would have by this time. You know, life expectation is far exceeding life reality. So that has prompted me to enlist accountability. I feel like it's probably the only way I'll acquire the motivation to actually go after that I want. I'm the first to admit, my life of easily obtaining whatever I wanted has not done much for me in the department of self preservation or  motivation. It's said and the sense of entitlement is definitely one to over come. I don't mind working and earning a living, but I also have no inclination about asking my parents or fiance to provide something that I lack the means to. So I am going to attempt to use accountability as a means to an end. I will motivate myself into achieving all the things I keep telling myself, "I'll do tomorrow.." Without further ado, I present to you...

4th Quarter 2012 Goals!

This will be a regular quarterly list that I will post, refer back to, and list progress on, in order to achieve some structure and success in my life and career. So my goals for the 4th Quarter are as follows:

1. Get my student loan situation figured out so that I will be able to get my booty back in school!

2. Start an entirely separate account for our wedding and house savings

3. Religiously deposit money into that account every pay period even if it's only $20!

4. Sit down and write up our bills every month

5. Start using the budget envelope programs 

6. Sit down with DF weekly and discuss where we are on our budget. 

7. Get the remainder of the house painted and window coverings on all of our windows

8. New living room furniture

9. Desk/work station set up in bed room

10. Daily/ Weekly chores schedule for the entire family.

Okay so 10 goals to get started and I'm going to do a separate list for my fitness and health goals.  It'll be a 5 goal list as I try to make this transition :)

Health & Fitness Goals for 4th Quarter 2012

1. Weekly dinner menu 

2. Start every day with some type of workout, either gym, running, or dvd

3. limit my soda intake

4. daily log of food intake

5. Maintain weekly record of weight 

Welp I've provided a starting point for myself to start working on my life and future. 

Let's see how this goes :) 

what love is...

Love is a funny thing. You expect it to be easy. You expect it to be a world of roses and laughs and perfect moments that you find only in movies. You expect him to always say the right thing, and always know exactly how you feel, or exactly how to react to it. You expect him to calm you down when you’re yelling or to chase you when you run away. You expect so much that you feel entirely, utterly defeated when something doesn’t exactly match up with all your plans. But that’s the thing. Love isn’t a plan. It doesn’t have a certain beginning and it certainly has no end or visible finish line to those deeply in it.

Love is so incredibly messy. People around you can’t comprehend why you do the things you do, or why you fight so hard for something that seems to cause you so much pain, because simply, they can’t see. They can’t see the invisible ring of insanity that surrounds you when you’re in love. It’s inconvenient and painful and devastating at times, but we can’t live without it. What you don’t learn is how hard love is. How much work it takes. How much of ourselves we have to put into it. How it isn’t worth it until we are complete and utter idiots about it.

Love isn’t him calming you down when you yell. It’s him yelling, just as loud, just as hard, right back at you, right in your face to wake you up and to keep you grounded. It isn’t him bringing you roses everyday or cute things that make your relationship appear more presentable.

It’s after a long fight, that drains the life and bones right out of you both, and yet him showing up at your door the next morning anyway. It’s not him saying all the right things or knowing exactly how to handle you. So no, it’s not her caressing your hair and telling you that everything’s going to be alright. It’s him standing there, admitting he’s just as scared as you are. You have to remember that with love, you’re not the only one involved. You’ve unknowingly put your life, your heart into the palms of another person’s hand and said “here. Do what you will. Mash it into mince meat. Or forget I ever handed it to you. As long as you have it.”

It makes us crazy. It makes us invisible and it erases all the lines that we shouldn’t cross. Because love isn’t about fencing ourselves in; feeling safe, feeling sure about the future. It’s about scaring the crap out of every nerve in our body, but pushing forward anyway. Because all the fighting and all the tears and all the uncertainty is worth it. And it’s a lot better than being 100% happy without someone to show us that there is a world of difference between feeling ‘happy’ and feeling whole.

Life is a challenge, and so is love. Things never come easy in life; if they do, memories are rare, suffering won’t get you through the tough times, there’s nothing to look back on. There’s no mistakes that you learn from. In the end, it’s all worth it.

In the mean time...

So the past couple of days have been hectic. I finally made it back to work.. no hacking, just hotflashes like a mofo.. well it's fever, but it's more patient accepted when you term it as a hotflash ;) Oompa is about to get cuntpunted back to Oompaland.. The minis are no longer going to Mexico because their daddy couldn't remember to send home their passport paperwork. Sigh.. The Fiance is really happy about the Cardinals, but c'mon now, I'm a Cubs fan through and through.. the only good thing about watching the Cardinals is Pujols.. Grrrr. So it's Friday night and I'm relaxing working on Save the Dates for our wedding and watching horror movies.. Hands down 100% BEST thing about October minus the happy children :) I can't wait to take them tricking and treating. I'll be more extensive tomorrow.. peace

Been home sick...

So I've been sick in bed since Sunday.. It's been a real bummer because I feel useless and the house is going to shit. The Fiance has been sick too as have the two youngest minis, Princess and Pumpkin, so I can't even assign chores to them to help out. I've been off work because well, who wants to go into their doctor's and see the bitch behind the counter hacking and sniffling? No one, that's who. So I'm confined to my bed and thankfully I'm feeling better today.. FINALLY! During my sickness, I have spent a lot of time wedding planning, divorce planning, on etsy and on pinterest, which happens to be my new obsession. I've basically used to it compile all the wedding stuff I want and all the recipes I want to try. I got ambitious and got stuff to try two new recipes today.. EXCITED, but also... yea we shall see. AND BONUS, my Save the Dates came today :) woot woot.

Here we go...

So I'm in my late 20's... meaning WAY closer to 30 than I would like. I'm trying to divorce my crazy husband and engaged to the most amazing man I've even met. I have three children who are my world and are absolutely terrific. I also have a crazy stalker (oompa) who belongs to the aforementioned husband whom does nothing except go out of her way to try and make my life a living hell... hence "shitstorm."

For the most part, I love my life. I have a job that is great, a fiance who loves me more than I probably deserve, super awesome children who make my life light up and are some of my best friends. My friends are extremely supportive and loving plus super crazy and shenanigans seem to be a way of life with us. However, I have this horrible, horrid thorn in my side that I just can't seem to get rid of no matter what... Oompa. This bitch is truly evil. First let's start with she broke up my marriage. I don't necessarily blame her because it takes two to tango, but she is a very sneaky little thing. Short story is, they started talking on Facebook, he came home on leave, she got pregnant, he told me about her, we separated and they live together now.. well yea. Actually I'm pretty okay with it at this point because, let's be honest, it's been two and a half years. I took a long time to figure me out, to try and heal from the pain, and to begin my life all over. I have endured more than I consider my due, but what can you do? Take the good with the bad and do the best you can with what you've got.

That leads me to now.. The fiance... Oh he is something special. One of those our eyes met and the rest is history stories. The moment I laid eyes on this man, I knew I HAD to know him, I HAD to have him. I have not been disappointed. He turned out to be more than I could have hoped or dreamed for. My soul loves him... yes, that's right, MY SOUL! It's an absolutely mind-blowing feeling, I tell ya. Not only that, but my children love him as well. He has the biggest heart I have ever found in a man and he shares his love with our family. I cannot wait to see where life takes all of us.

There are only two things standing in our way and I intend to squash them into oblivion.